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Finding your brave – what are you scared of?

background of mountains, 2 children sitting with thought bubbles to show what they are afraid of

Finding your brave – Children’s Mental Health Week

Day 2: What does ‘finding your brave’ mean for a child with autism?

Now that you’ve introduced the idea of what bravery means and why being brave can make us feel good (follow the link if you missed it), we look at helping your child understand what can hold us back and the feelings that can stop us being brave. 

What are you scared of?

background of mountains, 2 children sitting with thought bubbles to show what they are afraid ofWhat stops us being brave and why can being brave be so difficult? 

Being brave generally means facing something difficult or a situation we’re unsure, worried or scared about and going ahead anyway.

To help your child with autism ‘find their brave’, you need to understand what those fears, worries or anxieties are that are their barriers to being brave. It’s the thoughts and feelings we create ourselves that are most often what get in the way of doing something or trying something new. These unhelpful thoughts might include worries about getting something wrong, being embarrassed or people laughing at you.

Firstly, let your child know that it’s normal to have these emotions but that there things we can do to help ourselves to stop these thoughts and feelings getting in the way of what we want or need to do and affecting our mental health. To find out what their barriers are you may just be able to ask them. If your child is non-verbal or finds it tricky to talk about their feelings – perhaps because they have limited language skills – you will need to try some other tactics. 

TomTag feelings notebook with example page filled inFor Tom, who has autism, just talking about his fears can be a cause of stress too. We’ve used the TomTag Feelings Notebook to help him communicate with us and share his concerns in a less direct or confrontational way.

In this example, he describes feeling nervous about meeting his teacher as he was unsure about what to say to her. He goes on to share that he always feels nervous when he sees other people. An example of how unhelpful thoughts – like saying something wrong or that people might laugh at him – are the barriers to bravery here.

 You can use also use a diary format like this to help you and your child keep a record of feelings, anxieties, worries or behaviour which will help you to track any patterns and identify underlying triggers. Turn detective, be curious and think about what might be beneath their behaviour to see what the real issues are.

Right feeling, wrong size?

Sometimes, your child won’t even be sure what they’re afraid of, which can in itself make them feel more anxious and afraid. It’s also possible that they may have difficulty understanding the size or intensity of their feelings, something Tomas finds quite difficult.

When he was younger, Tom was terrified of flies. This was particularly difficult in the summer months as he would scream and become extremely anxious about going to sleep. Every evening we would have to make sure that his bedroom was free of the unwelcome guests before he would even go into his room.

With support, Tom was able to use drawings as a visual tool to help him share what it was about flies that frightened him and how they made him feel. He thought that the fly would eat him and he felt panic! Once we knew what the fears were, we could reassure him that it was normal to have feelings about flies. We were able to show him that his feeling of panic was unhelpful as it made things feel more scary than they really were. A case of the right feeling but the wrong size.

drawing by Tomas to explain his fear of flies

Doing the detective work was crucial. Had we not known about the fear then Tom’s reluctance to go to bed might have been misinterpreted as challenging behaviour around bedtime routines. By understanding his fears, providing him with reassurance and making him feel safe, we could encourage him to be brave with the help of positive thinking and a bright new fly swatter which we showed him how to use! 

Next: Overcoming fears – getting closer to brave

Looking at some ways you can support your child to help them overcome some of their fears and get closer to finding their brave.

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What does ‘Finding your brave’ mean for a child with autism?

girl on high ropes stepping onto a plank

children's mental health week logoChildren’s Mental Health Week is run by the charity Place2Be, to focus on the importance of looking after our emotional well-being from an early age.

Running from 3 – 9 February 2020, the theme this year is ‘Find your brave’.

Whilst autism itself it NOT a mental health condition, we do know that people with autism or a learning disability (or both) are more likely to experience mental health problems than the general population – and more likely to have it overlooked or ignored.

Helping your autistic child to ‘find their brave’ may take a little longer, need a bit more effort, patience and persuasion but with determination progress will be made and it can only have a positive affect on their mental health.

 

What does ‘finding your brave’ mean for a child with autism?

Bravery is different for every child and comes in all shapes and sizes. It’s not all about grand gestures, slaying dragons, high ropes or superheroes! 

Being brave generally means facing something difficult or a situation you’re unsure, worried or scared about and going ahead anyway. If, like my son, your child has sensory processing issues, communication difficulties or an intolerance of uncertainty then simply managing and coping with daily life will mean calling upon their bravery resources pretty much every day.

Imagine all the things your child might be unsure or worried about. Is it going to school, visiting the hairdresser, sharing worries or asking for help?

It may also be something that appears small to us, such as trying a different food, taking a new route home from school or saying hello to grandma.

Over the next few days, we’ll share some ideas and techniques for supporting your child to find their brave. We’ll look at what it means to be brave, what holds us back and how to deal with those feelings that stop us. Finally we’ll talk about why it’s good to be brave and share some ideas for ways that TomTag can be used to help.

Let’s get started!

What is bravery?

Start by explaining to your child what bravery means and why being brave can make us feel good about ourselves.

Sometimes we need to be brave for big challenges but most of the time being brave means finding positive ways to deal with everyday difficulties and situations. It doesn’t mean that they have to deal with everything on their own. Let them know that it’s brave to ask for and accept help.    

Bravery means something different for everyone. Remind your child that what’s brave for them might not feel brave for someone else.

Use examples from your own life to show times when you’ve had to be brave. It can help children to see that as adults we also have to face our fears in everyday life. 

Next: What are you scared of?

What stops us being brave and why can being brave be so difficult? Helping your child understand what can hold us back and the feelings that can stop us being brave. 

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Show me how: Daily living skills

What’s the aim?

To improve daily living skills and increase independence by showing rather than telling the individual the steps they need to do to complete a task.

What to do – using the TomTag 4 P’s approach

Plan

  • Does the individual understand the idea of a sequence i.e. that things follow each other in a certain order? This is important to know because when you are teaching a skill, it’s helpful to break the task down into smaller steps so that the individual can follow the steps in the right order to complete the task.
  • Decide which skill you want to work on and how many steps the individual can realistically cope with. A simple two step First-Then sequence such as ‘First use toilet Then wash hands’ works best for those who are still learning about sequences. You can always add more steps to a sequence once they have got the hang of it.

Prepare

  • Pick appropriate symbols showing the steps for the skill you would like to teach. Use the blank stickers to make your own drawings if you can’t see exactly what you want.
  • Build up an activity sequence in a TomTag tag using these symbols with the steps in the right order.
  • Aim to involve the individual in the preparation of the tag as this gives them a sense of ownership and may motivate them to use it. This is also a great time to talk about how and why their TomTag will help.
  • Decide where to put the TomTag so that it is easily seen by the individual before they start the task. Do you want them to carry it or fix it to a permanent place such as on a hook in the bathroom? It must be easily visible to the individual throughout the task.

Prompt

  • Cue the individual with a brief verbal instruction when it’s time for the task to begin e.g. “Check your TomTag”.
  • Gently guide them to look at their TomTag or place it in their hand and prompt them to point to the first step on their tag
  • Before each step, use the least amount of words and describe what the step is for, e.g. “Toothpaste on brush”.
  • If necessary, help them to do the step or model how to do it.
  • Show them how to turn over the button on their tag once they have completed the step.
  • Praise them for following their TomTag and completing the step
  • Cue them to check their TomTag again so that they can move smoothly onto the next step

Patience

  • If challenging behaviour occurs, focus on the activity not the behaviour.
  • Keep prompting, praising and be patient!

Download this guide as a printable pdf

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Show me how: First-Then-Next

What’s the aim?

A First-Then (or Now-Next or First-Then-Next) tool helps your child to learn basic sequencing skills. It shows them what they will do or need to complete first (or now) and what they will do then (or next). It can be really helpful in getting children to move more smoothly (transition) from one activity to another or in encouraging them to complete a less-preferred activity before receiving a reward or moving on.

What to do – using the TomTag 4 P’s approach

Plan

  • Decide what the first and second activities or objects are that you want or need your child to do
  • Choose the second item to be something your child really likes to encourage them to do the first activity. Worried about challenging behaviour? Try starting with activities that your child usually does successfully and willingly!

Prepare

  • Pick relevant symbols that show the activities you have identified. Use blank stickers to make your own drawings if you can’t find the activity you want.
  • If not already included in the sticker pack you have, use blank stickers for the prompt words FIRST, THEN, NOW or NEXT as preferred.
  • Place the first prompt word at the top of the tag followed by the first activity symbol, then the second prompt word followed by the second activity symbol.
  • For a 3-step sequence, e.g. FIRST-THEN-NEXT, continue to add the third prompt and symbol.

Prompt

  • Give the TomTag to your child with a brief verbal instruction about the sequence (e.g. “First eat lunch, then play outside”).
  • Make sure your child can see the tag whilst doing the first activity and refer to it verbally as well (e.g. “nearly finished, then play outside”).
  • Show them how to turn over the button on their tag once they have completed the first activity and confirm the next step verbally. (e.g. “Lunch done, now play outside”).
  • Immediately provide the preferred activity or item so that your child gains trust in using TomTag and more confidence the next time you use it.

Patience

  • If challenging behaviour occurs, keep your focus on prompting your child to do the first activity rather than on the behaviour.
  • Keep prompting, praising and be patient!

Download this guide as a printable pdf

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Show me how: Communication and social skills

What’s the aim?

Visual supports help you to communicate with your child by showing rather than (or as well as) telling them what you would like, or need, them to do. They also allow your child a means to communicate their needs and wants to you, in situations or at times when they may be unable to do this verbally or effectively through other means. Challenging behaviour often manifests out of frustration at either not understanding a situation or being unable to verbally express wants, needs and feelings and an effective visual communication support can help reduce these frustrations and behaviours.

What to do  – using the TomTag 4 P’s approach

Plan

  • What communication needs does your child have? What do you want to help them with?

Do they need help to:

    • understand instructions?
    • remember social rules such as sharing, waiting or taking turns?
    • communicate their feelings and choices?
    • manage their emotions?

Prepare

  • Choose appropriate symbols relating to the communication needs you have identified. Use the blank stickers to make your own drawings if needed.
  • For help with understanding and remembering instructions, set out the symbols in one or more tags in the form of reminder checklists
  • For help with teaching social rules, try to include some positive praise points in your tag to encourage and reward appropriate behaviour (e.g. good work, good effort, well done, etc.)
  • To help with communicating choices, feelings or emotions, create separate lists for each set of options e.g. sensory triggers (“I feel … too hot, too cold, tired, hungry, etc.), sensory support strategies (“I need … count to 10, get a hug, take a rest, exercise, etc.)
  • Aim to involve your child with the preparation of their tags where possible. Many children love stickers and the action of clicking the buttons into place. This helps to give them a sense of ownership and motivation to use it. This is also a great time to talk about how and why TomTag will help them.
  • Have the TomTag easily to hand so that you or your child can quickly use it when the communication need occurs.

Prompt

  • Prompt your child with a brief, verbal instruction e.g. “Look at your TomTag”.
  • Gently guide them to check their TomTag or place it in their hand
  • Encourage them to communicate what they want or need by using the least amount of words, for example, “show me”.
  • You should also use the least amount of words to tell them what you want them to do. For example, “take turns” whilst as the same time pointing to the relevant symbol in their tag.

Praise

  • Praise your child for communicating with you or for following your instructions.
  • Keep prompting, praising and be patient!

Download this guide as a printable pdf

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Show me how: Timetables and routines

What’s the aim?

Visual timetables, schedules and routines help you to communicate to your child when activities or events will occur throughout the day or week. This helps them to understand what they are doing and when and can significantly reduce anxiety and related behaviours that may occur when these things are not made clear or certain.

What to do – using the TomTag 4 P’s approach

Plan

  • Does your child understand the idea of an activity sequence? If you need to work on this first, read the TomTag First-Then-Next guide for advice on how introduce this idea.
  • Decide which activities for the day or part of the day you want to show. Worried about challenging behaviour? Try starting with activities that your child usually does successfully and willingly!

Prepare

  • Choose appropriate symbols to show the activities you have identified. Use the blank stickers to make your own drawings if you can’t see the activity you want.
  • Build up an activity sequence in a TomTag tag using these symbols to show the activities you want to happen, or that will occur, and in what order.
  • Aim to involve your child with the preparation of the tag. Many children love stickers and the action of clicking the buttons into place. Helping prepare their tag gives them a sense of ownership and may motivate them to use it. This is also a great time to talk with them about how and why their TomTag will help.
  • Decide where is the best place to put TomTag so that it is easily seen by your child before they start the first activity. Do you want them to carry it or fix it to a permanent place like the fridge or a wall? It must be easily visible to your child during the rest of the activities.

Prompt

  • Cue your child with a brief verbal instruction when it’s time for an activity to begin e.g. “Check your TomTag”.
  • Gently guide them to look at their TomTag or place it in their hand and prompt them to point to the next activity symbol
  • Use the least amount of words and describe what the activity is, e.g. “Get dressed”.
  • Help your child do the activity or model how to do it. If they are finding an individual activity too difficult, set up a separate and more detailed skill prompt TomTag to teach it. Read the Daily Living Skills guide for more information about how to do this.
  • Show them how to turn over the button on their tag once they have completed the activity.
  • Praise your child for completing the activity
  • Cue them to check their TomTag again so that they can move smoothly onto the next activity

Patience

  • If challenging behaviour occurs, focus on the activity not the behaviour.
  • Keep prompting, praising and be patient!

Download this guide as a printable pdf

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DZ Circus School

tomtags display set up for dz circus school

The request

“Hi. I’m a Director of a not-for-profit Community Circus School and we teach Autism Friendly classes that are evolving into what we are calling CSPD (Circus Skills for people with Disabilities). I feel some visual aids would be helpful for some of the students we have and love your product. We would love to be able to create stickers for the circus equipment we use but would prefer the option to print our own – is this something we could work with you to have a Circus Sheet of stickers? We also know the favourite colours throughout the group are blue and red so we’d like to choose our tags to match if possible!”

The discussion

Coral sent us some ideas of the circus equipment they wanted symbols for so we started by checking if the Widgit library would have anything suitable that we could use under our licence agreement. Due to the niche nature of the request, we found we couldn’t source all the items we needed from their library so Coral sent a few sketches of her own that she wondered if we could use. These looked amazing! We advised her to make sure all the symbols had clear black outlines and bright block colours for best impact and Coral set to work producing DZ Circus School’s own unique symbols that we set up and printed onto our stickers.   

The result

Our favourite bespoke task to date! Such lovely customers to work with, doing an amazing job for the benefit of their community and we’re so proud to be working in partnership with them. 

Here’s the feedback we received via the DZ Circus blog on (in their word) “TomTag Awesome Visuals”!  

 

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Photo tags

bespoke tag image from Biddle

The request

Amanda said “I love your tomtags, so easy to use but I was wondering as a lot of the visuals for the child I support need to be more specific and personalised, is it possible to send you photos and for you to print them onto the stickers for me.”

The discussion

We asked Amanda to send in a couple of photos so that we could have a trial run and make some samples. We wanted to see what the photos would look like and make sure that we were happy with the quality and detail we would get by reducing the size to fit our stickers. With a bit of trial and error, we realised that the images needed to focus in on one or two relevant objects rather than be taken of the whole subject from a wide angle. For example, in the classroom it might be one of the work tables and in the dining hall the serving counter.

The result

Amanda took to Facebook to share her delight at the end result.

“I work in a reception class with a little boy with autism who has limited communication. I needed some photos more specific to him and his environment and the wonderful people at Orkid Ideas took my photos and made up my buttons for me. I love my Tom tags and so does he. So easy to use and so effective. A truly amazing product! 😁😁”

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Brambles Preschool

green tomtags with bespoke symbols for Brambles pres-school

The request

Hi, I’m the business manager and SENCo for a small forest school in Salisbury. We came across your TomTags at the Autism Show and wondered if you’d be able to supply a small number of bespoke tags for us to help our children with their daily routine in our preschool. Oh, and we’d like all the tags to be green!
 

The discussion

We were able to source all the symbols that Brambles needed to guide the children’s routine from the Widgit library. These included toilet/nappy, wash hands, put coat on, snack and lunch.
They were also interested in a new minikit that we’d just launched at the time, our Share how I feel tag, which they felt would really support the children’s emotional communication.  
 

The result 

15 green TomTags with bespoke routine symbols and 15 green TomTags with emotions faces. 
“We are so pleased with them, being an outdoor nursery these are so practical for us. Would really recommend :)”
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Mullum Primary

a colletion of bespoke tags produced for Mullum Primary School

The request

“I love the Tom Tag idea. As Principal in a new school I am preparing a Starting School Pack for newly enrolled students for the 2019 Australian school year.  I would love to provide each child with one of the Tom Tags with a standard set of stickers for packing their school bag.  The sticker set would be something like … school hat, lunch box, drink bottle, jumper, book satchel, piece of fruit.” 

The discussion

Over the course of the next few weeks we discussed various options with the school, including using photographs, Widgit or our own School Kit symbols.  The Principal was very keen for the symbols to be easily recognised by her students so we eventually hit upon the idea of using pictures provided by their uniform supplier for the hat, jumper and backpack symbols they needed. 

We then used some of the hand-drawn symbols from our My School Kit sticker pack to provide the other items Mullum were looking for, which worked really well alongside the uniform pictures.

The result

 100 bespoke red tags (to match the red theme of Mullum Primary’s school uniform) each ready prepared with a set of 6 symbols headed off to Australia for the start of their new school year in 2019. There’ll be no excuse for any child at Mullum to arrive unprepared for their school day!